


Note

by in_the_dark_times



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 01:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2753942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_the_dark_times/pseuds/in_the_dark_times
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Pepper had died after all? How would Tony handle it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Note

**Author's Note:**

> I'm dumb and tired but this came to my head and I had to write it before i forgot about it. Let me know what you think of my ficlet.

His hand trembled as he pressed the pen to the paper in front of him. So long had it been since he'd last written on actual paper that he'd forgotten the feel of a utensil in his hand, forgotten how much pressure to apply, forgotten how messy his handwriting actually was. He usually just dictated his thoughts to Jarvis, to be noted and filed away or to be printed and passed along to his assistant. A smirk played across his lips as he remembered a time when that person was Pepper. She was always meant for bigger things though. "She was too good for me..." he whispered to himself as he mustered the courage to draw his first line on the piece of notebook paper. His breathing ragged, the side of his hand being tickled by the rough edge of the paper where he'd ripped it from the notebook, the smudge of black ink on the side of his left hand as he dragged it through the words that were already being left behind in favor of new ones. There was something lost in translation during the transfer from his brain to the paper. Once he began, he kept going. Sentences and fragments of thoughts spilled all over the lined paper. He could've just typed this, but a note seemed more personal. They deserved a note. He was nearly hyperventilating by the time Jarvis pulled his attention from the pen.

"Sir? Your heart beat is unusually high. Are you having any other symptoms of a panic attack?" 

Tony replaced the cap on his pen and laid it over top of his sheet of paper.   
"...yes. I think I am. What are they again?" He asked shakily.

As Jarvis listed the signs of an anxiety attack, Tony read over what he had written.   
'I feel like I'm dying but I'm not yet.'  
'I'm so sorry I couldn't save you.'  
'I wonder who's going to find this since it won't be you.'  
It already felt so far away from himself.

"Sir? Sir?" Jarvis called from over head. "Sir, I do believe you are having a panic attack. I would like for you to go to the communal floor and seek company. Sir, are you hearing me?"

Tony took a wavering breath and nodded.  
"Yeah...who's home J?"

"Doctor Banner, Captain Rogers, and Agent Romanov are all on the premises."

Tony took a few more breaths and tried to stand until he found himself wobbly at the knees.   
"J, can you ask Nat to come down here?" 

"Of course, sir." The AI replied. A moment later Jarvis' voice returned and wearily said "She has requested a reason as to why you want to see her. What should I tell her?"

Tony waved a hand.  
"Tell her the truth. Let her know how much of a loser I really am."

Jarvis was silent to Tony as he was speaking to Natasha elsewhere.   
"She is on her way."  
\------  
Natasha threw open the oddly unlocked door to Stark's lab. It had to be bad if he'd left a door open for her. She scanned the room and found Stark sitting indian style on a workbench in the far right corner of the lab. Slowly as not to startle the fragile man, Natasha made her way, making certain he could see her as she approached him. Gently, the woman placed a hand on his shoulder. He leaned into the contact eagerly and covered her hand with his own. 

"Hey...." she greeted him.

"Hi...."

"Feeling pretty bad huh?" She said, feeling awkward with every word.

He just nodded and leaned further into her touch. She took the hint and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He buried his face in her neck as she took the opportunity to read the words scribbled on the lined paper. She held him tighter when she finished.

"Anthony...you weren't actually going to follow through on this were you?" She asked hesitantly.

He shrugged noncommittally.   
"Dunno...maybe?"

She sighed and squeezed his shoulder again before pulling away.  
"Anthony, I'd like for you to promise me you'll come to one of us if you get this urge again. I know we can't replace Ms Potts but maybe we can keep you from doing something you might regret...Do you promise? "

After a minute of silence Tony nodded. Natasha sighed again.  
"Okay....why don't we go find the others and put a movie on." She said with an air of finality.

"Okay....yeah okay, let's do that." Tony answered standing up to follow her to the door.

As an afterthought, Tony picked up the sheet of paper, gave it one last look over and crumpled it in his fist. He threw it I'm the general direction of one of the bots.  
"Butterfingers, clean up that mess. What, were you raised in a barn?"


End file.
